Bereavement

When we suffer a bereavement it can feel as though a huge part of our lives has been taken away. Our emotions range from grief, shock, anger, remorse, and even guilt. It can be a hugely stressful time, not knowing how to cope, how to grieve properly and eventually, how to move on.

• It's estimated that each day 500 women in the UK will become widows.
• It's estimated that 175,000 men in the UK become widowers each year.
• About 180,000 children under the age of 16 years lose a parent.
• About 12,000 children die in the UK each year
• Many others are affected by the death of a parent, a friend or a much-loved pet.
  

What is grief?

Grief is the name given to the natural reactions we have after the death of someone who's been close to us. Like with a physical injury, the recovery and healing process can take time. This period cannot be rushed and varies from individual to individual.

When we're grieving, it's difficult to understand what's happening. One of the ways in which we can understand better is to look at other losses in our lives, each of which requires a period of adjustment. Even a simple one such as losing a purse will produce a reaction. Initially, we may have feelings of disbelief, panic, confusion, leading to annoyance, anger and inconvenience. Life has been temporarily upset and it takes a while to adjust to the new situation. In time, we'll either find the purse or accept its loss.

Learning to adapt

Recovering from a death is similar but feelings are more intense, painful and last much longer. It too is a process of learning to adapt to the new situation. There's an empty space where before there was a living human being. We have to adjust to life without that person.
Our pain and suffering is the price we pay for loving. Any pain is tiring. A toothache can be relieved by an analgesic or a visit to the dentist, but the acute pain of grief is constantly with us, unrelieved by any painkiller. While we're going through the pain, it's difficult to believe that we'll ever enjoy life again. But in time our grieving will ease and gradually life will become more bearable and even pleasurable.
For many people, bereavement is a journey during which they'll experience a variety of changing emotions, such as guilt, anger and depression
For some people, the strength of these emotions and the speed at which they change can make them feel helpless and confused - if the bereavement is very recent a person can feel incapable of any decision-making. Some people find that concentrating on arrangements for a funeral or memorial service will help them to delay this.
If this is the case, it's important that their close friends realise that they're not 'just coping' - the emotional rollercoaster will come, even if it's not as rough as it might have been. Once this intense phase has passed there may still be a fair way to go on the journey. Again this will happen in different ways for different people. For some, there will be an intense period of longing for things to return to the way they were.

Other people, in trying to get on with life and establish some new form of normality, may find themselves in situations where they momentarily manage to 'forget' about their grief - only to feel their heart sink as something reminds them. This can lead to a person still shopping for two for instance, or keeping some story about the day to tell to their loved one.

It's not unusual for a person during this time to feel aimless and unable to concentrate or sleep; unsurprisingly, they often don't feel like eating. This can be worse if the relationship with the dead person was a difficult one that caused mixed emotions of both love and resentment - in such cases feelings of guilt may become overwhelming.
The most important thing in this period is to have someone that you can talk to about these emotions and experiences, since keeping these things to yourself will often prolong the pain. The other important thing to remember is that the pain does pass. It can sound corny to say that you'll 'get over it.' Often it's more a case of realising how much the experience has changed you and your life - and learning to live with and accept those changes.

How can hypnotherapy help with bereavement?

Hypnosis can be used to deeply relax and calm you allowing you allowing your subconcious mind to accept some positive suggestions for your continued well being. The experience helps you to reflect in a calm and positive way and to help you cope with the days, weeks and months ahead of you. The process does not stop the natural grieveing process which is important, but simply gives you addesd strength and calmness.

One off sessions to help you through the funeral can also be very beneficial.